The Abandoned

Written and illustrated by Ross Campbell



Succulent, teenage lesbians in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Tons of drama. Tons of gore. Tons of plump, scantily clad girls with huge lips. It was good.

Zero Girl

Written and Illustrated by Sam Keith



Circles - safe, friendly, good.
Squares - dangerous, antagonistic, bad.

Amy has a crush on her guidance counsleor. She pursues him pretty relentlessly, and he is smitten. When she gets ashamed or embarrassed her feet get wet, like really wet. Discover the power of her strange foot fluid and the mystery of the re-occuring coaster vision.

Jumper - Jumpscars

Written by Nunzio Defillipis and Christina Weir
Art by Brian Hurtt



This is a prequel to the hit(?) movie released last month. The narrator, Jessica, is a woman retelling the story of how she came to be. There are people in the world called Jumpers that can teleport between places. Jessica is a Paladin and responsible for eliminating Jumpers. They are seen as a threat to the natural order of things. While tracking a recent case, we flip back and forth through several different parts of her history and an array of emotions. Decent, I'd watch the movie.

Crooked Little Vein

Written by Warren Ellis



From time to time, I read books that don't have pictures. This one, however, I feel would have saved my brain from conjuring the most vile things to accompany the text if the images were already there. Warren Ellis has invaded my psyche and made me feel really dirty. This book is about a self loathing private eye who is hired by the White House chief of staff to find a book that is the 'alternate constitution'. His search takes him through the seediest parts of America's sexual underbelly. What an adventure. Gross.

That Salty Air

Written and illustrated by Tim Sievert



An offbeat graphic novel about loss and misdirected anger. Hugh is a fisherman. He loves the sea and treats it with great respect. His household receives news of life and death on the same day. Grief stricken, Hugh lashes out at all the things he loves until he's forced to realize how precious it all really is.

WE READ COMICS BLOG TO CHANGE NAME

In a bold move for comic book takeover Liz Dellarocco has consumed more comics then should be possible and the renowned We Read Comics will be officially changed to
"LIZ READS COMICS". Thanks to all of our readers and contributors for making this such a great run of comic reviewing.please continue to watch this site and read "LIZ READS COMICS".
T'CHALLA

LIZ elated and exhausted after the official announcement.

Parasyte

By Hitoshi Iwaaki



HILARIOUS, and pretty disgusting. It starts with some fluffy, dandelion looking spores drifting into a town one night. Once they hit the ground, they open up and the little parasytes scamper into the night in search of a host. They slither into your ear and take over your brain, giving them complete control. Except for one poor little parasyte. Our main character, Shinichi, is sleeping with headphones on. With a couple of comical, failed attempts...it finally ends up getting into his hand. Shinichi is more resourceful than the parasyte anticipated, which leaves it fully matured in his arm. The interaction between the parasyte and Shinichi is really silly (I laughed out loud on several occasions), and the gore of the other parasytes is superb. Only two volumes so far, can't wait to read more.

The Surrogates

Written by Robert Venditti
Art by Brett Weldele



Set in the not too distant future, life has become basically digital. Technology has rushed forward to the age of the personal surrogate, androids that people send out into the world in place of themselves! Most people are content living sedentary, vicarious lives. One man is trying to bring back a world where people actually live their lives, rather than just watch it from afar. Two detectives from the local police department track this terrorist, and question how great this perfect world really is.

P.S. Disney has acquired the rights to this, hope they don't ruin it. Bruce Willis' name has been floating around in connection with the lead role.

Kwaidan

By Jung and Jee-Yun



In 12th Century Japan, Lady Orin pines for her warrior lover, Nanko, who has been away in battle. Jealous of her beautiful sister, Lady Akane mutilates Orin's face, beginning a spiral of despair that ends in the suicides of both lovers at Lake Amada. The evil Akane takes charge of the lake, now brimming with a strange power. This begins a complex web of revenge and redemption that spans two centuries. Jung's artwork, action-filled sequences, and expert sense of timing bring this tale to life, packed with ghostly encounters, swordplay, undead armies, beautiful landscapes, and strange demons. The lost spirits of these two unlucky lovers may still find freedom, but their hope now rests on the supernatural birth of a granddaughter...and her ability to unravel the secrets of the restless ghosts that haunt her, the Kwaïdan. Hotness. I TOTALLY love this book.

Perfect ten.

Life Sucks

By Jessica Abel, Gabe Soria, and Warren Pleece



You're a teenager. You're a vegetarian. You're a vampire. You work midnights at a convenience store. Your horrible boss is your master. Your best friend works at the copy store down the way. You have a crush on a cute, goth girl who comes in all the time. Her boyfriend is a ridiculous, vampire wannabe. Life sucks.

This book is cute and witty. The story unfolds at a decent pace and the art is easy on the eyes.

1 can short of a six pack.

war is hell by garth ennis art by howard chaykin

fighter planes, they look pretty sweet right? well in garth ennis new comic war is hell howard chaykin manages to make old planes with guns attached to them look like flying piles of garbage...and shit. now I'm not going to say much here that christian hasn't already said. yes i think garth ennis is sweet, yes i love planes with guns on them, and of course war is awesome, but the art is just so booty its unbearable. I'm going to give this comic one more chance, i did the math and the pros definitely outweigh the cons, but the art is just so important to me i cant see garth ennis saving this one. i think stan lees step brothers best friend or whoever the hell this guy is, just ruined a perfectly good fighter plane.

The Avengers: Disassembled

Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Illustrated by: David Finch (and others)

Padraic brought up the fact that the House of Idea has decided to hit the bright, shiny rewind button on a lot of the stuff that has happened in the last couple years in the 'ol 616 (Civil War, Spidey's unmasking, death of Steve, etc). It's altogether infuriating, albeit not surprising that they have done so. In fact, I can remember Curtis and I talking a while back about how they should just man up, grow a pair, and kill Iron Man or something. Just friggin' do it already, quit jerking us around. Yeah, people bitch, yes, these characters are beloved, yes, yes, yes, fat kids would cry, but come on! You're grown ups! Do something groundbreaking, do something that takes guts! Make a decision and stick with it! If you write yourself into a corner, well, then, guess what? "Tough titty," said the kitty, "But, the milk's still good." Well, that's what my step-dad would say, anyway.

In any case, Padraic mentioned that he was going to go back to when this whole mess started, around the time that Avengers: Disassembled came out, to try to read between the lines, so to speak. Apparently, (probably after being prodded by frustrated, high-strung fan turds like myself) Bendis has hinted that the reason for these rewinds isn't because the writers are stuck in a glass box after the ramifications of Civil War, Spidey's press conference, etc., but it's because of, well, something else that happened, er, before, um, and yeah, you'll have to go back and read... um, other stuff. In other words, he's still working it out in his fat, shiny head. Maybe you guys could set me straight on this, because I haven't been keeping up (the bakery doesn't pay me in comics like you guys do) but I heard some shit about Mysterio showing up and giving Parker the old "chance to do it all again." Mysterio? You have got to be pulling my dick. THAT SUCKS. Mysterio? There just aren't any words. I've got no problem with Bendis; in fact, I usually stick up for the guy and a lot of the BS he's churned out since working for Marvel, but after reading it, I think Avengers: Disassembled should instead be called Avengers: Disappointing.

I'm going to give you some bullets, though, of the parts I sort of liked (spoiler alert):

• Stark gets wasted. I mean crocked. At a UN conference, no less. He goes on to call the Latverian delegate "ratfink" and, my favorite, "pally." Funny stuff - Oh, and remember how I said Stark got wasted? Not really.
• The obligatory two-page gatefold featuring virtually the entire Marvel Universe at the end of issue #501. Oh, heavens. In our darkest hour, our friends have all shown up to help us, in costume, in a badass pose, right outside the rubble of Avenger's headquarters. They're all there, even Puck, arms crossed (some with fists on hips), looking so badass. Look at how badass they all look. All of them.
• She-Hulk flips out, throws a truck onto Captain America, rips The Vision in half.
• Cap gets BuddaBuddaBudda-ed by a bunch of magic mind Nazis.

You should read this, but only when you're pooping. I give it a 'prick' out of 'tease'.

Spiderman: With Great Power #1-3

Marvel comics Dave Lapham(Stray Bullets, Young Liars) on writing chores with Tony Harris(Starman, Ex Machina) on art
Yes it's the billionth retelling of Spider mans origin but subtle twists keep it fresh. David Lapham's dialog is great as always, and his version of Peter/Spidey is awesome. I've loved Tony Harris for years and his pencils on this book are top shelf!

4 out of 5 delicious wheat cakes

GRAVEL #2

writer-warren ellis,mike wolfer art(?)/ vomit projected through a crude silkscreen scratched out with a paperclip by raulo caceres. published by Avatar $3.99 ongoing.
gravel is a SAS (the british precursor of the u.s. navy seals) magician who shoots people with real and magic guns in graphic ways.the story is a cool action movie about him trying to get 7 different sections of some magic book from some other magicians.story....aight.art...really booty,like raulo caceres concept of perspective is changing with each panel.sometimes i have no idea what's happening.aughh..... this comes out on time all the time but i haven't seen a new Black Summer in 2 months...man,sheeeeeit. cool action though.
---1 head smashed open
---2 magic guns
---art is booty ass with dookie creeping over the top.

it took me 2-3 times longer to write this it took to read the comic,and the post is like two lines ...c'mon y'all.

TRANSHUMAN #1

w-jonathan hickman (nightly news,pax romana) a-JM ringuet (colors on death comes to dillinger) Image comics $3.50
Transhuman is super cool and really high concept.this first issue is a documentary film produced to introduce you to this corporate world of developing the "person whose capacities so exceed currant man that we would no longer easily define them as human" they'd be like...TRANSHUMAN!(i don't know if all issues will be docu style but i'm down to find out..by readin 'em!) Like Hickman's other work it's got a lot of meat/soy to it,so for $3.50 you get almost a whole meal. jonathan hickman has been reminding of warren ellis,while totally doing his own thing, AND american and i like it! It is really kick-ass to read homeboys work and be like "and this mother-fuckers not even english,irish,or scottish!" .....the art...awesome.i'll be lookin for this dude now.i read this book he colored called "death and the man who would not die" and it has these painted colors....AWESOOME! Msr. Ringuet can draw.i'm down.NEXT.....
HOLLERTRONIX
j.hickman----pronea.com
Jm ringuet--- type him into blogspot

----COOL POINTS----
-the "Institute for Ethics in Emerging Technology" gave it a nod on their "blog" but...refered to it as "a new graphic novel series" which doesn't make much sense (this a a rant to come for later....get ready for it.)
-Sandy would love it in the same ways and tell me how while we drank the same beer.
-the cats left me alone while i read it.they could tell it was good and knew not to mess with me.
BLACK PANTHER WATCHING BAD TASTE,WE WATCHIN' BAD TASTE!

THE JOKERS' BONER

so this is from a site entitled "yesbutnobutyes" list of unintentionally hilarious comic panels, there's more here.


ha ha ha ......john this ones for you.

ULTIMATE HUMAN #3

w-warren ellis (everything,transmetropolitan) a-cary nord (conan)
sup! this is the third issue of the awesome iron man versus/teams up with the hulk mini series.this series has sweet writing by waren ellis that reminds me that superhumans are still humans but much cooler.cary nords art continues to punt asses far into the end zone and makes the hulk look terrifying.(if you've never seen his ill ass art on dark horse's "CONAN" then treat yo self and check it out.conan is a great character who always gets the ladies and a flagon of ale) The series starts with tony stark trying to cure bruce banner of his hulk-ness and then they beat the tar outta eachother.the re-envisioned leader his his enormous head and things really heat up.in this issue we learn more about the leaders transformation and origin as well as his plans for the Stark/Banner duo.the conclusion comes next month and i dunno whats gonna happen but hopefully a giant sized head gets splattered by some giant sized hands.
---lola and destro (my cats) can't come into the bar where i read this comic so don't tell 'em they missed it.
BLACK PANTHER DRINKING BEER,WE DRINKING BEER!

BLACK PANTHER #35

BACK TO WAKANDA YOU SUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whats up, as you know i love the black panther so then you can imagine how awesome it is when he is finally going back 2 africa . to rule his ppl , kick ass and jus genrally be a king. but OH NO!
when he gets back he learns of his sister being kidnapd by killmonger the only adversary the badass panthers never murk'd . so saffice to say this was a setup comic and hopefully we will see the next episode knock down that punk ass bitch killmonger ... (with storm out fighting for the massiah complex who knows) its a safe bet that since T'challa's"freed an alien planet, helped fight the hulk, and buried one of his best friends" (i.e. captain america)he is going to waste this this chump with extreme prejudice .

2 points for no magic frogs
2 points for africa
2 points for wify not being there (a lil dude time allways helps)
3 points for no skrull MLKs or Malcom Xs
1 point for the money

and what do you got???? a sucka in a uniform waiting to get shot?
NOPE!

a step by step booklet for you to get your game on track ... not your wig pushed back

welcome to the 10 point gangsterdome
THE BLACK PANTHER
back to africa pt1

T'CHALLA!


BLACK PANTHER EATING COOKIES >>>> WE EATING COOKIES!

Sorrow - Image Comics

Written by Rick Remender and Seth Peck. Art by Francesco Francavilla.



I love Rick Remender, but... meh. Forgettable. Except for the first Wilford Brimley joke. sThe art was pretty sweet. I guess Sorrow was OK. I read all four issues.

Plot: tuck in a small town, haunted, people get possessed, must escape.

Mrs. Claws didn't lift her head out of the food bowl to comment.
Kitty didn't read Sorrow.
Sasha didn't read Sorrow.

Ghost Whisperer - IDW

Story by Becca Smith and Carrie Smith. Art by Elena Casagrande. Based on the hit TV series created by John Gray, I guess.



Yeah, I read it. No, I have never seen the show.

This girl, Melinda Gordon, can communicate with ghosts that nobody else can see. She helps them "cross over into the light," something ghosts don't do if they have unfinished business. This one starts with a girl who was teased by classmates seeking revenge after they humiliate her. She's using who she thinks is the god Osiris to help her. Cliffhanger at the end.

It was aight. I didn't know exactly what was going on at first, but it's pretty easy to figure out and follow despite the narrative being a little disjointed. The girls in it are hot. It has the potential to be interesting. I'll at least pick up issue #2.

Mrs. Claws woke up to purr at the cover for two seconds.
Kitty gives Ghost Whisperer a look that indicates she, like I, will check out the second issue if I bring it home.
Sasha gives it a smile, even though she didn't read it. I think she just likes Jennifer Love Hewitt.

All Star Superman #10 - DC

Grant Morrison writes real good and Frank Quitely draws his ass off

Unanswerable questions, tyrant suns, the bottled city of Kandor, Earth Q, Lois lane(is super hot), Kandor Emergency Corps, the birth and death of Superman. I read this comic twice.
Modern mythology at its best.
Five out of five dwarf stars.

BPRD: better than Hellboy !??

Writers-Mike Mignola (hellboy,baltimore) and John Arcudi (the mask) Art-Guy Davis (baker street,sandman mystery theatere) published by Dark Horse
Since this read off started i've been making a strong effort to get caught up on BPRD.and in that time BPRD:1946 came out as well as the abe sapien mini series,this has got me really pumped to find out more about abe's past.for those that don't know:the merchandising megalith known as Hellboy works for the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD) and is on a spiritual journey to find himself right now and this series follows the adventures of the squad back home as they fight a plague that transforms peeps into frog monsters!! (how's that for a run on sentence,hmmh? i READ COMICS so for sooome reason i think it's ok to be functionally illiterate....i dunno) the cast of characters in this book is phenomenal and very layered.we are told very little of these characters and only learn about them little by little along with the other characters.the art by michigans own Guy Davis is great and moody,the design of the monsters,villans,and equipment of the BPRD is kick-ass and very practical.(i'm constantly distracted from the book by the impecable design on the bprd standard issue carbine...ill) ohhh....right the plot.A really awesome nazi villan from WWII returns to call up some elder gods with unexpected consequences and the team loses a fantastic assest and amazing friend in The Black Flame.Abe also continues to delve deeper into his lost past involving a paranormal adventuring society at the turn of the century in Garden of Souls. and things really come to a head in Killing Ground. we learn more of capt.daimos past and are left terrified for his future, and my jaw crashes through the floor is astonishment of these fine sirs storytelling abilities. get up on BPRD:1946 asap! it's only three issues in and is the story of the BPRD's first mission,without any specially trained agents(hellboy's just a wittle baby in '46) With art by Paul Azaceta (potter's field)
you could read this without reading any other hellboy/bprd....the ensemble cast of the modern day series is totally worth the read.is BPRD actually better then Hellboy? i don't now about BETTER but i certainly get more excited about a new BPRD ish then i do about a new hellboy ish.maybe it's that they are more characters in BPRD and i feel like i really know them, or it could just be the design of the shotguns.
---BPRD-the black flame: 4.5 outta five appropriately cooked eggs over easy
---BPRD-garden of souls: this one goes to eleven
---BPRD-killing ground : 4 outta 5 toes NOT poking out da hole in yo sock
---BPRD-1946 (so far) : 4 outta 5 beers NOT chadwicked (an awesome relief!)

Ultimates 3

listen up hoon's im loving this book / drug wait.......
uh oh. dont even get me started how ill this book is .. all ready well on its 3rd installment i am MORE than satisfied. lemme jus run down some reasons real qwik right eha:

1. black panther
2. every girl looks like theyre about to or are in the middle of having sex
3. ACTION
4. valkyrie
5. fighting

so the art jacks streetfighter 2 zero i know... so what . thats a dope style .

this book is like being addicted 2 crack, alot happens all the time and you have no control.

just loosen up and collect some bottles so you can get that next rock you stuffy busterfinks

im giving this book 10 dime honeys for every 10 honeys


bong bong

Tales of Terror - Dynamite Entertainment

Written by Carlos Trillo
Art by Eduardo Risso (100 Bullets!)



This is a collection of 11 short stories with an EC comics meets Rod Serling flavor. Dynamite scooped them up (despite much digging around on the internet, I can't seem to find the publications that these were originally published in) and printed them in the U.S. for the first time last year. It's kinda like if Sin City were plunged into a horror movie marathon on a Saturday afternoon. Enjoyed it.

Shit the Bed! It's a comic book read off!

Thanks to XmasX for mentioning that he read a shit-ton of comics a couple of weeks ago. Well sir, I accept your challenge! I too, shall read an ass-load of comics! Our "contest" began 3 weeks ago and has been heated, to say the least. So, now we're keeping a list of all comics read that week. The read off starts every Wednesday(NCD*) and goes through Tuesday(NCE**).

Here's my list from last week(12th-18th), I won't be reviewing my entire list every week...don't worry:

• Serenity#1 Dark Horse Joss Whedon/Will Conrad
  
• Judenhass Gn Aardvark/Vanaheim Dave Sim
  
• Batlash #4 DC Peter Brandvold and Sergio Aragones/Dave Severin
  
• Walking Dead #47 Image (still hate this book) Kirkman/Charlie Adlard and Cliff Rathburn
  
• BPRD 1946 #3 Dark Horse (every "Hellboy universe" book is awesome) Mignola
  
• Evil Dead #3 Dark Horse Mike Verheiden/John Bolton
  
• Abe Sapien #2 Dark Horse Mignola/Jason Alexander (the dude from Seinfeld? no.)
  
• Doctor Who #2 IDW Gary Russell/Nick Roche
  
• Locke and Key #1 IDW (written by Stephen Kings son) Joe Hill/Gabriel Rodriguez
  
• Screamland #1 Image Harold Sipe/Hector Casanova
  
• Cemetery Blues #2 Image Ryan Rubio/Thomas Boatwright
  
• Gutsville #3 Image comics, Puritanical society trapped in the belly of a giant sea beast with art by Frazer Irving!
• Avengers Fairy tales #1 Marvel C.B. Cebulski/Joao Lemos
  
• Goon #22 Dark Horse - This comic is the the shit, the writing and art by Eric Powell art top shelf. Check out the definition of the word "Goon": 1921, "stupid person," from gony "simpleton" (c.1580), of unknown origin, but applied by sailors to the albatross and similar big, clumsy birds (1839); sense of "hired thug" first recorded 1938 (in ref. to union "beef squads" used to cow strikers in the Pacific northwest), probably from Alice the Goon, slow-witted and muscular (but gentle-natured) character in "Thimble Theater" comic strip (starring Popeye) by E.C. Segar (1894-1938). She also was the inspiration for British comedian Spike Milligan's "The Goon Show." What are now "juvenile delinquents" were in the 1940s sometimes called goonlets. Word.
• Simon Dark #5 and #6 DC Writen by Steve Niles(30 Days of Night) with art by Scott Hampton. This book get better with each ish, organized white collar crime with dark occult goings-on in Gothan city.
  
• Lone Ranger and Tonto #1 Dynamite Good comic book, even though the artist likes to put mascara on the Lone Ranger and he can't draw horses none to good.
• Iron Fist #13 Marvel Matt Fraction(the Order, Five fists of Science) and Ed Brubaker(Captain America, Criminal) are two of the best writers going! Still one of the best comic books every single month!
  
• The Order #9 Marvel Matt Fraction and Barry Kitson
• Captain America #36 Marvel Ed Brubaker, Butch Guice and Mike Perkins. Bucky is the new Cap and it rules!
• Dead of Night #2 Marvel Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa and Brian Denham
  
• Astro City Special DC Kurt Busiek and Brent Anderson
  
• Thor #7 Marvel Micheal Straczynski and Oliver Copial
• Iron Man #27 Marvel Daniel and Charles Knauf/Roberto De La Torre
  
• Comic Book Comics #1 Evil Twin Fred Van Lente/Ryan Dunlavey
  
• Rex Mundi vol. 1-4 Dark Horse Arvid Nelson/Juan Ferreyra
  
• Criminal vol. 1 and 2 Marvel Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips
• Blade of the Immortal vol. 1 Dark Horse Hiroaki Samura
  
• Black Panther #34 Marvel Reginald Hudlin/Frances Portela
  
• Astounding Wolfman #1-5 Image Kirkman/Jason Howard
  
• The Sword #1-6 Image Luna Brothers

So, that was that crazy week. I'm gonna keep reading mad comics, and reviews proper will start soon. Black Panther read comics...we read comics. Word.


*New Comic Day
**New Comics Eve