The Hypo: The Melancholic Young Lincoln

Does anyone still read this blog? No matter. Hopefully you'll see more posts more regularly in the very near future. But if you're not reading, you won't notice either way.

Written and Drawn by Noah Van Sciver

For fans of Lincoln, fans of history, fans of comic books, fans of historically based comic books, and fans of melancholy, The Hypo is not to be missed. Focusing on the late twenties of one of the most famous and mythologized people in history, The Hypo gives us a view of Lincoln (backed up by his and his contemporaries' correspondence) as a depressed failure. At twenty-eight he has foundered as a lawyer, a politician, and a fiancee. He suffers from the bummers so severely that it's become one of his most defining characteristics to both friends and strangers alike. The story follows Lincoln through this strange period in his life as he grapples with an overriding wish to make a difference and be remembered, even while there is absolutely no indication that he will accomplish any such thing.

Sciver absolutely nails it. It's so easy to think of Lincoln or any figure of his stature as these great freight trains of Mighty Righteousness, barreling through life to their ultimate, kick-ass destiny with grace and aplomb. We can't separate what we know of Lincoln without remembering his really astonishing accomplishments, so those accomplishments necessarily color our interpretation of him. Sciver's approach to this problem (if it is a problem) is subtle, setting melancholic young Lincoln against our knowledge of what he will become, while at the same time showing us the seeds of what will make him great. Take a look at this page from early on in the narrative:

Setting aside the fact that these dudes are deciding on a platonic bed-sharing together after, like, 30 seconds of meeting (which apparently wasn't so weird in the frontier states during that period), look at how much Sciver accomplishes on this page. We see Lincoln's plain spoken style, his humbleness, his self-doubt, and his honesty here with so much fucking economy and elegance. And look at the expressions on Lincoln's face. Big ol' goofy doofus. You just wanna comb his hair and give him a hug and then let him save modern democracy as the last, best hope for mankind. The whole book pulls this off.

It's not all old-timey moping, for those of you afraid of words or feelings. We also see the combative, childish side of Lincoln as he pisses people off, falls in love, tries (and fails) to buy a hooker, and accidentally instigates a duel (with sabers!).

I recommend The Hypo highly. The pacing is perfect, the art is effective and sometimes super-moving, and the story is fascinating.

Four and a Half out of Five Top Hats

Saga #1

W - Brian K Vaughan  A - Fiona Staples

Planet vs Moon.  Weirdo humanoids.  War torn travels.  Secret map!

I thought this comic was pretty awesome.  The dialogue is frank and modern, the art is well suited to the story. That Fiona gal draws real pretty.  I'm interested in seeing the story take us on a trip that brings us to our narrator in a current time. 

3 horns out of 5 wings.

Stuff I read this week.

Saucer Country #1:  Meh. It might be ok, but politicians and aliens didn't really hook me.

Dominique Laveau Voodoo Child #1:  I don't think I'm going to like it, but I'll try one more issue.

Conan the Barbarian #2:  Hubba hubba!  Still bitchin good.

Fairest #1:  It has personality and pretty sweet art, I'll give it a go.

Murky World one-shot

W/A - Richard Corben

Wow.  What a perfect, weird little story.  This shit rules.

Word.

Prophet #21

W - Brandon Graham       A - Simon Roy

Alright!  I'm not gonna lie and say I was excited about it, or even thought it was a good idea to revive dead 90s characters from Image.  I read Glory, it was decent.  Prophet already looks like a badass on the cover.  It's great!  I feel like I could've understood the whole story even without words.  The visuals are awesome.  The textures are gross (in a good way).  My personal favorite moments?  The vagina-faced contact, a shared food moment with the Dolmantle, and the awesome map at the end.

5 out of 5 crazy looking, mutant animals.

Something has certainly changed for the better.

Red Wing #1-4 (Hickman/Pitarra - Image Comics)

Some comic books force "writers" like me to come back from the cyber-dead and blog about them.

What.  The.  Fuck.  Was going on in this comic book?!

Let me start over.

I love Jonathan Hickman.  You could say that I'm a Jonathan Hick.... fan.  Even when he phones in work-for-hire for Marvel, I still enjoy it.  I picked up the first issue of this book solely based on the fact that his name was on the cover; didn't hurt that the cover looked like it had been drawn by Geof Darrow.
 
But...

You know what I hate?  Time travel.

You know what I really hate?  Trying to read a book about time travel... monthly.

You know what I really really hate?  Father/son melodrama.

You know what I really really really hate?  This book looks like it was drawn by Frank Quitely when he was 12.

Amazingly, I still thought this comic was fun.  I have no idea what happened, because the characters all kind of looked the same AND because it was monthly and involved time travel.  I plan on re-reading it and trying to figure it out.

Panels were frequently rough to follow, or vague, or disjointed, and a lot of the backgrounds looked like they had been drawn in Microsoft Pain.  BUT the coloring was good, and pretty much carried the art on its shoulders.  However, for all the crap I've said about Pitarra's art, the covers are fucking gorgeous.  It's obvious that the dude can draw very very well.

All in all, read this if you have the opportunity, or if you love Jonathan Hickman, but it's pretty much like going out to eat at a mediocre Thai restaurant.

Holy Terror......HOLY SHIT

dudes.this is the opposite of whats right.

Near Death

W - Jay Faerber   A - Simone Guglielmini

Crime time!  I really liked this comic!  Bad guy...really bad guy has a brush with death and decides he needs to make amends.  His amends begin with interference that will cause him much strife, but he seems just gritty enough to work it out.  The art is loose and shady without an overkill of detail, it matches the story quite well.  Bravo!

4 out of 5 lessons learned.

Star Trek #1

W - Mike Johnson   A - Stephen Molnar

I guess I'm not a secret Star Trek fan, really, I'm just not a public one.  I have a sentimental affection for Star Trek, so I decided to give this comic a go.  There are (or have been in the last couple of years) SO MANY Star Trek comics popping up that I've had no interest in even looking at them.  I'm not entirely sure why this one grabbed my eye, but it did.  And, it was awesome.  It has all of the classic Star Trek elements that we love: the bridge, the "Oh my god, what is that?! Put in on screen!", the mysterious affect of whatever "it" was on the crew.  Awesome.  The art isn't my all time favorite, but it's good and the characters look like the respective, real life, people that played them in the most recent movie.  I think I'll probably read this series on a regular basis.  Nice work, dudes.

4 out of 5 problems with the teleporter.

Half World

W - Hiromi Goto  Illustrations - Jillian Tamaki (Skim)

Let's start with the fact that this book is a novel, and not a comic.  There are sparse black and white illustrations, but the writing is so succulent that every detail was fully animated in my imagination.  I think that this is, ultimately, a coming of age story.  A tale of transition from girl to woman, body and mind.  The bad guy in this shit is straight vile.  His depravity is palpable.  He's just disgusting and gives me the heebie jeebies.  The main character is pretty whiny at times, but she man's up in the end.  Yeah!

3 out of 3 realms brought back together.

Liz is diving into DC!

Well, I'm not swimming laps or anything, but I'm gonna get my feet wet.

Catwoman #1

W - Judd Winick  A - Guillem March

Whoa, DC!  Racy with a capital R.  The story works, and the art is seductive.  25/30DD.


Wonder Woman #1

W - Brian Azzarello   A - Cliff Chiang

I thought Wonder Woman looked really weird on the cover, but I liked it a lot!  The interior art isn't quite as angular.  Good, classic storyline...damsel in distress carrying a VIP baby.  Yep, dope.  4 deflected arrows out of 5 horse bodied assailants.


Supergirl #1

W - Michael Green and Mike Johnson   A - Mahmud Asrar

Straightforward entrance, excellent narration from multiple points of view and smooth art that's easy on the eyes.  I, all around, liked it.  I even got a little choked up at the end.  4 Supergirl's against 5 robots.

Batman Incorporated #8

Error
404 - the fun in this comic could not be found.

all 0's out of 0101010101

The Punisher

W - Greg Rucka
A - Marco Checchetto


A classic Punisher tale.  Vigilante justice at it's best.  Merciless righting of wrongs.  The writing is good, it has an excellent flow and pace.  It's easy to digest and I don't mean that in any kind of bad way.  I'm a little iffy on the art.  It's mostly ok, but Punisher too pretty!  It doesn't fit.  Regardless of my opinion of the art, the comic was good!  Fun!  Hard core!

4 out of 5 fully spent clips.

Binky to the Rescue

W/A - Ashley Spires

Fun for everyone!  This is the 2nd Binky book so far.  Admittedly, I'm a huge fan of anything to do with cats, but still: The art is HILARIOUS!  The facial expressions and body language of Binky are expertly rendered and portray the exact emotion intended.  The story is simple, straightforward and appropriate for cat lovers of any age.  It didn't get an Eisner nomination for nothin!

5 out of 5 on the Space Cat Academy entrance exam.

The Bombyce Network

W/A - Cecil and Corbeyran

I was drawn in by the cover art.  What a stroke of luck, this book is AWESOME!

Flea and Elmore are thieves.  They're part of a network.  The Bombyce Network.  They have gotten themselves into a bundle of trouble by robbing the wrong powerful people.  Nasty things are going on amongst the upper echelon of the French elite and this burglary could expose them all!

As indicated by the cover, the art is amazing.  It's rich like a painting and still maintains the crispness of penciled lines.  The story is gripping.  Originally 3 issues, Corbeyran left the series after issue two.  There was a three year wait between the first two, and an EIGHT year wait for issue three.  Yeesh. The split-up is noticeable in the writing even though it's not directly made clear.

Cool shit.  4 out of 5 gold schillings.

JONAH HEX!

Written by - Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti Art by - Ryan Sook
.......So its been a while since a posting, huh? We've been attempting (with phenomenal success and disparaging results) to read all of Flashpoint and Fear Itself.With such an extreme consumption of mediocrity we have dashed our ability to describe or transmute our indifference into words.Fear not!Hark!Out of the deluge of humdrum storytelling arises.........JONAH HEX #70! Alright Jonah Hex is great.Not as a human but as a monthly,on time comic,and as a character.Month after month for near on six years Palmiotti and Gray have brought a wrinkle to my brow and a smile to my lips.( also my hand to my mouth while i exclaim an "oh snap!". Because you do not mess with Hex and tons of characters seem lose sight of this,and then lose a chunk of their head....which i love!) But i digress.Jonah Hex has a rotating cast of phenomenal classic western comic artists and the best guest artists in the biz.They get artists that typically only do cover illustrations do to whole interiors because these high profile artists WANT to draw an awesome western....and that be Hex.Issue #70 is no exception,with the amazing Ryan Sook shaming lesser artists with his interior art.Hex has always done amazing single issue stories and rarely did multi part stories,which amongst the spate of crossovers and clifhangers based storytelling, was a gale of fresh air.This is the final issue before the enormous relaunch of DC comics in september....wait....i know. Maybe you dudes are like "hold on Christian,you just sold us on a great monthly series just to tell us its over!? what the hey!?" Fear not! DC comics is not completley brain dead, and Jonah will be back in the pages of "All Star Western"! This series will feature Jonah in Gotham! when its a frontier town! He'll be reluctantly teamed up with Amadeus Arkham the founder of Arkham Asylum, to catch criminals! The writing team remains the same! I know! Totally awesome right!? Read it!

two out two six guns firing on all cylinders
it would have been awesome if Paul Pope and Frank Quitely had each done a single issue of Jonah Hex.im just sayin.

Fear, Continued (Part 2 of Fear)

Man. I had a copy of Journey Into Mystery in my pile this week that I was just SAVORING. I had it on the very bottom of the stack, waiting like an elegant digestif: it would end my Fear Itself session on a high note and my entire review would be better as a result. But when I cracked it open I realized it was last month's issue. There was no new Journey Into Mystery. I fabricated a new issue out of childish, baseless desire.

Whatever.

So here's my continued review of a backlog of Fear Itself issues. I hope that my bitterness doesn't bleed through too heavily.

• Invincible Iron Man #504-505 - Xmas said recently (and I paraphrase): "the best crossover writers are the ones that write whatever the fuck they want whilst the 'event' is just happening. " I agree with him (though not with his lifestyle or the choices he's made). When Fear Itself is just a context, a sort of background thing to other, better stories, this whole series becomes pretty damn sweet. And while most Fear Itself books don't seem to be heeding to this guideline (and are suffering accordingly), Matt Fraction, the event's architect, really hits the nail on the head in his flagship Invincible Iron Man series. These were a great couple of issues. The Grey Gargoyle, in his turn as the coolest hammer-wielder thus far, is turning the citizens of Paris to stone. When Iron Man shows up to shut that shit down, he realizes (mid-melee) that all of the rubble he crashes and is punched through...is peoples!!! This is pretty weird and gross for the I-Man, as you can imagine, and you get a real sense of all this FEAR that everyone's been talking so much about. I liked!
• Fear Itself: Fearsome Four #1 - Man...Howard the Duck...what the damn...huh? Forget it.
• Fear Itself: Deadpool #1 - Funny! Deadpool is funny sometimes! He's just such a scamp, you know? Always getting into some type of mischief. This adventure finds our protagonist scamming a suburban couple before tricking a hard-luck villain named "The Walrus" into thinking he's found one of the Serpent's Hammers. But who is that other inner-thought dialogue box? The white one? I didn't get that. If someone could explain that to me, that would be great.*
• Secret Avengers #14 - Nick Spencer's back again, obeying what I will henceforth refer to as the "Xmas Event-uality," using the larger "Fear" stuff to execute an almost stand-alone story. I didn't get into this one as much as the last issue (with Congress and The Beast and what-not), but it was a pretty fun ride. Points for good use of Odin and Valkyrie, demerits for having the two main characters being all kissy face in the middle of a giant Nazi robot fight. Like Secret Avengers #13, this one was just so close to great.
• Thunderbolts #159 - I was a third of the way through this giant sized, special issue of Thunderbolts when I realized I had no idea what was going on. I was enjoying it, I think, but I was pretty much totally lost. I leave a review of this issue to a certain co-blogger who knows better, who might have something substantive to contribute. He knows who he is.
• Fear Itself: Black Widow - I am not an expert in terrorists. I will be the first to admit this. But do terrorists refer to "terror" as often as they do in FI: Black Widow? Don't they usually employ terror incidentally, in service of some greater cause? The goal being X, with the "terrorists" wiling to employ violent means to achieve X, with terror being a bi-product or ends towards X? Am I splitting hairs? Isn't this just a comic book? Yeah ok, but this issue was still stupid. A group of bad guys, looking to capitalize on the craziness happening in France, are in the middle of doing some "terror." Do they want money? Prestige? I don't know and neither do they. For a better example of Cullen Bunn's writing, please see Sixth Gun, which is fantastic. And then let's all pretend that this didn't happen.

I'm all caught up! Hopefully the next thing I review won't have anything to do with Fear Itself! Until Next Time!



* Before I even finished writing, I was informed that the other dialogue box is...also Deadpool. Because he's, like, crazy. So it's his inner dialogue, apparently. Maybe you knew that, but there we go.

Flashpoint #1

W - Geoff Johns
A - Andy Kubert

So, you're probably like "Whaaaaaat?  Wait, Liz is reviewing Flashpoint?  Liz, that has nothing nice to say about core Marvel and DC titles?  Why do you guys keep letting her review these books?!"

Calm your worried mind.  I'm going to read the five issue, main series of Flashpoint.  Guess what?!  I thought issue #1 was pretty dope.  Somebody is seriously f*%$ing around with Barry Allen!  One second, everything is normal.  He's got Iris, love of his life.  He's got super powers, he's the Flash, duh.  And then in the next moment, after waking from a little cat nap everything is BONKERS!  Nothing makes sense!  His mom comes to meet him for birthday dinner, whaaaat?!  His beautiful Iris is clearly involved with someone else.  Wonder Woman and Aquaman are the bad guys?!  Batman is super mean!  What the hell?  Little by little, the pieces start to come together and bring some sense to what's going on.  But...it can't all be peaches and cream.  I'm not terribly fond of the art.  It reminds me of Michael Turner, no disrespect.  Yep, I liked it and am actually looking forward to issue #2.  Stay tuned!

4 out of 5 whacked out realities.

All Nighter

W/A - David Hahn

Setting: A 24 hour diner type place that reminds me of my many years as a Denny's waitress. I want to hate it, but I don't. I like it. The comic, I like the comic. I hated being a Denny's waitress.

The main character of the story is a girl named Kit. She doesn't like her boyfriend, but can't seem to break up with him. He's always trying to 'figure something out', which usually involves B&E. She has a couple of lightly introduced roommates and is looking for a third. I'm not entirely sure where the story is going from here. It could be some kind of life changing crime drama, or it could be a spirited coming of age saga. Either way, the storytelling is sensible and I look forward to continuing with this series (despite my food service flashbacks).

4 smoke breaks out of 5 tables.

One, Two, Three, Four...Fear! (1 of 2)

Woah! Guess it's been a minute. Almost as if I was staring at an increasingly large pile of Fear Itself books and simply could not summon the will to go on. But is that what Red Skull's daughter would do? Hell no. She would read that pile of comics, comb her skull, and then get out there and face the world. She'd also probably drive to Marvel's headquarters in New York and do something terrible in broad daylight to the people responsible for these comics. I won't do that, but I will throw my unsolicited opinions out into the internet ether:

• Iron Man 2.0 #6: Am I that easy to please? Can Nick Spencer just put a bunch of Immortal Weapons in front of me, throw the words "Eighth City" around a few times, and watch me grin like an idiot?Apparently, yes.
• Fear Itself: Youth In Revolt #2 - Really? More Thor Girl? This issue finds our "heroes" turning themselves into the authorities and occasionally punching. Also included: some disposable, irrelevant dude deciding that he just can't handle the pressures of leadership. How many whining superheroes that no one gives a shit about can you fit into one comic? Youth In Revolt dares to find out.
• Fear Itself: Homefront #3 - Remember Speedball? C'mon, sure you do. Without Speedball, we wouldn't have had that Civil War! Remember that Civil War? No? Well, Marvel definitely does. Speedball is front and center in Homefront, trying just so hard to make amends for all those people he horribly killed on accident that one time. Also, to be interesting. Johnny Woo continues his pretty cool bout with sanity in the title's second act, plus some other things happen. I find Homefront to completely benign-- neither offensive nor good. Which is saying something for this crossover. And it definately reads much smoother than a lot of other Fear Itself books, which is saying a lot more.
• Avengers #14 - This comic book is like...if Brian Michael Bendis got Eternal-Sunshine'd and lost all previous memory of the comics he's written, how to write comics, etc. THEN some editor shows him Powers and is like, "write like THIS guy." So this weird, de-Bendis'd Bendis shits out a Brian Michael Bendis impression and it's called "Avengers." But Please Note: I believe in and love BMB. When the word balloon faucet turns off and things settle down a bit, I think he's as good as anyone writing comics right now. Even this issue has its moments (Ben Grimm totally drops a building on the Red Hulk: awesome). But overall the whole reality show confessional thing feels a little like Jerking Off. In a weird way.

More? Oh, yes, many more. To be continued!

Samurai's Blood #1

Written by Owen Wiseman
Art by Nam Kim and Sakti Yuwono

Have you read Lone Wolf and Cub? There's only one right answer to that question.

Owen Wiseman has. Plus a bunch of other shit, probably. Like books and stuff what ain't got pictures. Maybe that's unfair; not every samurai book HAS to be compared to Lone Wolf and Cub. But if you're going for a historically accurate, super-dramatic period piece set in Edo-era Japan against the cartoonishly exaggerated backdrop of what we refer to, hundreds of years after the fact, as "samurai honor," then guess what? That shit's a little like Lone Wolf. Tough sake, kemo sabe.

Samurai's Blood, however, accomplishes the goals that it aims for, I think. At least in the first issue. The point of bringing up LWaC is only to say that it's pretty tough to have anything new to add to this genre. But this title's doing its best. The Sanjo clan is being wiped out in a massive power grab and the only branch spared is that of the youngest member, who's been hiding in the mountains, fiercely training his son and a young retainer.

So much samurai. This book oozes samurai. Almost...too much. But the art isn't bad. My one complaint is that, so far, the tone is so deadly serious. Like EVERY PAGE is THE MOST IMPORTANT PAGE. That's kind of a half-assed critique, so I wouldn't put too much stock in it. But still.

Four out of Five Retainers, Dying w/Their Swords Pointed Towards the Enemy in the Service of Some Rich Guy

Four Itself: Round Fear

True Story: I was at the comic shop last week when this kid, maybe ten years old, says to his dad, "What the heck is this?" He's holding up a copy of Fear Itself #3

"That," Dad says, "is Fear Itself, I think."

"Whaizzat? Whaizzat about?" the kid asks.

"I don't know, son," Dad replies. "I think they're just giving hammers to a bunch of jerks." The kid looked at the comic for another moment before tossing it back on the shelf. It landed sideways.

I've been trying, but I can't think of a better way to sum up this crossover event.

• Fear Itself #3: A few more hammers are given away, and Captain America is ready to Kick some Ass. As the core series, Fear Itself is getting harder to read as a stand alone book, since outside events in outside series are becoming more and more integral to what's going on. There was a surprise Hammer awarding in this issue, but the biggest difference between characters before and after receiving the wrath-of-the-serpent is that they are required to use exclamation points after everything they say. Big 'ol shocker ending that left me unmoved, unshocked. Bleh.
  
• Journey Into Mystery #624: I'm going to go ahead and make this official: the best reason to read Fear Itself and its many children is so that you can read Journey Into Mystery in the proper context. This book is so dope. Kieron Gillen has definitely made my list of Writers To Watch. There's been so much crap happening with Asgard, Thor, Loki, and the Marvel/Norse-iverse in the last year; but somehow Gillen makes the reader feel totally at ease with all of it (having read barely any of the pertinent material) while providing a HEL of an entertaining comic. Loki is awesome. Volstagg is awesome. The hel-wolf is SUPER awesome. Read this, please.
• Fear Itself: The Deep: This was fucking terrible. I'm serious. In a sea of mediocre, work-for-hire bullshit, The Deep stands alone. Deeply shitty. Deep up a butt hole. The script for this book should be sank Deep, Deep below the waves, erased from the minds and memories of men. It's about Namor and the ocean, or something. I don't know. I want to forget. And it's by the guy that did Sixth Gun, a very cool book from Oni Press. I don't know what happened. This is what the Serpent God is doing to us, apparently.

Fourth Session Report: Is there more? How much more? Did I even read all of the books that came out last week? There was MORE?!? Truly, this is the essence of...apprehension. Itself.

x - men first class.......?

.....was awesome! and kick ass was horrid. there i said it.

although.... i was appalled that the men behind the curtain of "x-men: first class" attempted to present January Jones as being alluring or attractive. ugh.

Fear Itself: Round Three (3)!

Nick Spencer wrote both of the Fear Itself issues released this week! I like Nick Spencer! He's nominated for an Eisner for Best Writer this year, and Morning Glories is a weird, interesting read. Let's see how he treats the cruel bitch that is Fear Itself:

• Secret Avengers #13 - Ok! This one really had me going. A reeeeeal page turner. How do you like this premise: As hordes of god-knows-what kind of Nazi robots are descending upon Washington D.C. (thanks, Fear), the gutless elected officials to the U.S. House of Representatives have fled the capitol! EXCEPT! One man has stayed behind; it seems in his hurry to skirt fiery death-by-Nazi, the Speaker of the House forgot to adjourn the session! House Rep. Leonard Gary (D-Ms.) realizes this means he can now, all by his lonesome, call motions to order! Or even vote on legislation! While doom is threatening to knock the whole place down any second! I was really enjoying this issue until it devolved into a sappy Mr. Smith Goes to Washington knock off. But I think the idea of this is so good that it should have been stretched out over a bunch of issues. But alas, what we have instead is two full pages of the Gettysburg Address (I'm serious) while the Lincoln monument come-to-life smashes Nazi bots. So close.
• Iron Man 2.0 #5 - War Machine plus Iron Fist?!? Whaaa?!? Here's a secret about me: I looove Iron Fist. For my money, Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction's Immortal Iron Fist is one of the most kick ass comics of the past several moons. I Jump at any IIF appearance in any other title and, for the most part, am disappointed. But this was pretty cool! War Machine is dealing with the D.C. crisis (see above, kind of) when The Prince of Orphans is summoned away to seal the Eighth Kingdom. If that last sentence made no sense, you need to read the above mentioned Iron Fist series POST HASTE and report back. AT ANY RATE: Sweet issue, good tie-in to Fear Itself.
  

Third Session Report: Thanks, Nick Spencer! A light, but enjoyable week!

Vampirella and the Scarlet Legion #1

Vampirella is the key to everything!  The old ones are coming!  Is she the only one that can stop them?!  Nope, the Scarlet Legion ( a ruthless brand of vampire hunters) will step in to help her save the world.  The only question is, will they see her as friend...or foe?

I can't wait to see what happens!

5 out of 5 crucifix shaped wooden stakes.




I am totally lying.