Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 8, #13: Wolves at the Gate, Part 2 - Dark Horse

Written by Drew Goddard. Art by Georges Jeanty.



This book is awesome. Also, in this issue, we see what happens after Buffy's (ahem) indiscretion from the last issue. And Dracula's a racist.

Kitty "Bdrdrdeeeeep!"
Mrs. Claws: "Mrrryes."
Sasha: *smile*

The Vinyl Underground #1-6 - Vertigo

Si Spencer writer. Simon Gane penciler.



Somewhat supernatural detective story in London featuring a bad boy ex-pop star, his ex, a virgin internet porn star, and a pervert with visions that help solve crimes. Cocaine, sex, magic, violence, meddling cops, lots of inner demons. I can't get enough.

Kitty meows repeatedly for it.
Mrs. Claws isn't allowed to read it yet.
Sasha just wants me to pet her.

Secret History of the Authority: Hawksmoor #1 - WildStorm

Writer: Mike Costa. Artist: Fiona Staples



Jack Hawksmoor battles a huge robot threatening the Golden Gate Bridge, investigates other things in the city. Uses his power to talk to and manipulate the actual, physical city of San Francisco. Awesome read. Good artwork.

Kitty loved it.
Mrs. Claws liked it.
Sasha is under the bed again.

Wolverine: First Class #1 - Marvel

Writer: Fred Van Lente. Artist: Andrea Di Vito



Kitty Pryde writes in her diary about her first days at the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. She goes on a mission with a skeptical Wolverine. Kinda written for babies, but entertaining nonetheless.

Mrs. Claws can't wait for the next issue.
Kitty feels pride.
Sasha's too grown up for it.

Gunplay preview - Platinum Studios

Writer: Jorge Vega. Artist: Dominic Vivona.



An ex-Buffalo Soldier faces discrimination, and tortures some dude. Mystery appears to unravel in the upcoming graphic novel, which apparently has him having to kill a person per day because of some cursed pistol he carries. I guess he learns to use it for good.

If it were just a Western about a Buffalo Soldier, I'd be down. Reading a whole graphic novel with supernatural stuff involved, well, I'll probably still pick it up.


Kitty looked at it, put it down.
Mrs. Claws was too busy playing the Wii.
Sasha doesn't read comics, still.

The Nail

Written by Rob Zombie and Steve Niles
Art by Nat Jones



Hot diggity! What happens when a professional wrestler, on his farewell tour, takes his wife and daughter camping? A biker gang from Hell, the blood of 69 virgins, and the resurrection of the Inquisitor, that's what. Wicked covers by Simon Bisley graced these single issues as they came out. A splatterfest of good times. Ladies and Gentlemen...I give you...THE NAIL!

All We Ever Do Is Talk About Wood

by Tom Horacek



The first collection of one panel cartoons by this dude from British Columbia. Dark, bitter, hilarious. I really wanted to write something awesome about this, but the little blurb on the back of the book is so much better:

"Tom Horacek's characters possess the hydrocephalic proportions of Playmobil people, but they've traded the colorful plastic environs of childhood for a bleaker, twisted landscape where insanity, lonliness, and death are fodder for laughs. Heard from their pinhole mouths and seen in their beady eyes is fear, desperation, resignation, and pure misanthropy, all presented across a single panel canvas. Join the fun with this first collection of Horacek's bitingly bitter gag cartoons."

Good show, my man.

CAPTAIN AMERICA - The New Deal Vol 1

ok ok ok ok ok ok listen i LOVE cap ... that omnibus jus ripped up my hate and made me eat some sweet love pudding for your boy captain amurderka BUT(!) wtf is this salad they toss'n bout 911? COME ON! ok ok terrorists = bad, no big woop (rigtht?!?), cap throws the freekin sheild , they fall down, NEXT bad guy . well that happens alot. cap is a fucking super hero! coupla dudes with guns?!??? the 911 theme is tedious but cap keeps it real like a true hero saving the overused war on terror with dope love movement type things to say .. (i think cap is a hippie at heart ) Theres 4th of july fireworks . picture this .... CAP WRAPPED IN A BURNING FLAG
FALLING TO HIS DEATH!!! well that may or may not happen ... listen mayn tha art is RAD!~


... but since there was
1. no bucky
2. no mufucccan red skull
3. no black panther
4. no really ill superpowered bad guy at all
5. no boobs tenticles or monsters of anykind
6. nick fury ackn real bitchmade

... im going to go ahead and give this peice >>>>>>>

> 12 broken eggs outta 20 farm fresh justice nuggets

BLACK PANTHER WEARING FUR?? WE WEARING FUR~!

The Abandoned

Written and illustrated by Ross Campbell



Succulent, teenage lesbians in the middle of the zombie apocalypse. Tons of drama. Tons of gore. Tons of plump, scantily clad girls with huge lips. It was good.

Zero Girl

Written and Illustrated by Sam Keith



Circles - safe, friendly, good.
Squares - dangerous, antagonistic, bad.

Amy has a crush on her guidance counsleor. She pursues him pretty relentlessly, and he is smitten. When she gets ashamed or embarrassed her feet get wet, like really wet. Discover the power of her strange foot fluid and the mystery of the re-occuring coaster vision.

Jumper - Jumpscars

Written by Nunzio Defillipis and Christina Weir
Art by Brian Hurtt



This is a prequel to the hit(?) movie released last month. The narrator, Jessica, is a woman retelling the story of how she came to be. There are people in the world called Jumpers that can teleport between places. Jessica is a Paladin and responsible for eliminating Jumpers. They are seen as a threat to the natural order of things. While tracking a recent case, we flip back and forth through several different parts of her history and an array of emotions. Decent, I'd watch the movie.

Crooked Little Vein

Written by Warren Ellis



From time to time, I read books that don't have pictures. This one, however, I feel would have saved my brain from conjuring the most vile things to accompany the text if the images were already there. Warren Ellis has invaded my psyche and made me feel really dirty. This book is about a self loathing private eye who is hired by the White House chief of staff to find a book that is the 'alternate constitution'. His search takes him through the seediest parts of America's sexual underbelly. What an adventure. Gross.

That Salty Air

Written and illustrated by Tim Sievert



An offbeat graphic novel about loss and misdirected anger. Hugh is a fisherman. He loves the sea and treats it with great respect. His household receives news of life and death on the same day. Grief stricken, Hugh lashes out at all the things he loves until he's forced to realize how precious it all really is.

WE READ COMICS BLOG TO CHANGE NAME

In a bold move for comic book takeover Liz Dellarocco has consumed more comics then should be possible and the renowned We Read Comics will be officially changed to
"LIZ READS COMICS". Thanks to all of our readers and contributors for making this such a great run of comic reviewing.please continue to watch this site and read "LIZ READS COMICS".
T'CHALLA

LIZ elated and exhausted after the official announcement.

Parasyte

By Hitoshi Iwaaki



HILARIOUS, and pretty disgusting. It starts with some fluffy, dandelion looking spores drifting into a town one night. Once they hit the ground, they open up and the little parasytes scamper into the night in search of a host. They slither into your ear and take over your brain, giving them complete control. Except for one poor little parasyte. Our main character, Shinichi, is sleeping with headphones on. With a couple of comical, failed attempts...it finally ends up getting into his hand. Shinichi is more resourceful than the parasyte anticipated, which leaves it fully matured in his arm. The interaction between the parasyte and Shinichi is really silly (I laughed out loud on several occasions), and the gore of the other parasytes is superb. Only two volumes so far, can't wait to read more.

The Surrogates

Written by Robert Venditti
Art by Brett Weldele



Set in the not too distant future, life has become basically digital. Technology has rushed forward to the age of the personal surrogate, androids that people send out into the world in place of themselves! Most people are content living sedentary, vicarious lives. One man is trying to bring back a world where people actually live their lives, rather than just watch it from afar. Two detectives from the local police department track this terrorist, and question how great this perfect world really is.

P.S. Disney has acquired the rights to this, hope they don't ruin it. Bruce Willis' name has been floating around in connection with the lead role.

Kwaidan

By Jung and Jee-Yun



In 12th Century Japan, Lady Orin pines for her warrior lover, Nanko, who has been away in battle. Jealous of her beautiful sister, Lady Akane mutilates Orin's face, beginning a spiral of despair that ends in the suicides of both lovers at Lake Amada. The evil Akane takes charge of the lake, now brimming with a strange power. This begins a complex web of revenge and redemption that spans two centuries. Jung's artwork, action-filled sequences, and expert sense of timing bring this tale to life, packed with ghostly encounters, swordplay, undead armies, beautiful landscapes, and strange demons. The lost spirits of these two unlucky lovers may still find freedom, but their hope now rests on the supernatural birth of a granddaughter...and her ability to unravel the secrets of the restless ghosts that haunt her, the Kwaïdan. Hotness. I TOTALLY love this book.

Perfect ten.

Life Sucks

By Jessica Abel, Gabe Soria, and Warren Pleece



You're a teenager. You're a vegetarian. You're a vampire. You work midnights at a convenience store. Your horrible boss is your master. Your best friend works at the copy store down the way. You have a crush on a cute, goth girl who comes in all the time. Her boyfriend is a ridiculous, vampire wannabe. Life sucks.

This book is cute and witty. The story unfolds at a decent pace and the art is easy on the eyes.

1 can short of a six pack.

war is hell by garth ennis art by howard chaykin

fighter planes, they look pretty sweet right? well in garth ennis new comic war is hell howard chaykin manages to make old planes with guns attached to them look like flying piles of garbage...and shit. now I'm not going to say much here that christian hasn't already said. yes i think garth ennis is sweet, yes i love planes with guns on them, and of course war is awesome, but the art is just so booty its unbearable. I'm going to give this comic one more chance, i did the math and the pros definitely outweigh the cons, but the art is just so important to me i cant see garth ennis saving this one. i think stan lees step brothers best friend or whoever the hell this guy is, just ruined a perfectly good fighter plane.

The Avengers: Disassembled

Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Illustrated by: David Finch (and others)

Padraic brought up the fact that the House of Idea has decided to hit the bright, shiny rewind button on a lot of the stuff that has happened in the last couple years in the 'ol 616 (Civil War, Spidey's unmasking, death of Steve, etc). It's altogether infuriating, albeit not surprising that they have done so. In fact, I can remember Curtis and I talking a while back about how they should just man up, grow a pair, and kill Iron Man or something. Just friggin' do it already, quit jerking us around. Yeah, people bitch, yes, these characters are beloved, yes, yes, yes, fat kids would cry, but come on! You're grown ups! Do something groundbreaking, do something that takes guts! Make a decision and stick with it! If you write yourself into a corner, well, then, guess what? "Tough titty," said the kitty, "But, the milk's still good." Well, that's what my step-dad would say, anyway.

In any case, Padraic mentioned that he was going to go back to when this whole mess started, around the time that Avengers: Disassembled came out, to try to read between the lines, so to speak. Apparently, (probably after being prodded by frustrated, high-strung fan turds like myself) Bendis has hinted that the reason for these rewinds isn't because the writers are stuck in a glass box after the ramifications of Civil War, Spidey's press conference, etc., but it's because of, well, something else that happened, er, before, um, and yeah, you'll have to go back and read... um, other stuff. In other words, he's still working it out in his fat, shiny head. Maybe you guys could set me straight on this, because I haven't been keeping up (the bakery doesn't pay me in comics like you guys do) but I heard some shit about Mysterio showing up and giving Parker the old "chance to do it all again." Mysterio? You have got to be pulling my dick. THAT SUCKS. Mysterio? There just aren't any words. I've got no problem with Bendis; in fact, I usually stick up for the guy and a lot of the BS he's churned out since working for Marvel, but after reading it, I think Avengers: Disassembled should instead be called Avengers: Disappointing.

I'm going to give you some bullets, though, of the parts I sort of liked (spoiler alert):

• Stark gets wasted. I mean crocked. At a UN conference, no less. He goes on to call the Latverian delegate "ratfink" and, my favorite, "pally." Funny stuff - Oh, and remember how I said Stark got wasted? Not really.
• The obligatory two-page gatefold featuring virtually the entire Marvel Universe at the end of issue #501. Oh, heavens. In our darkest hour, our friends have all shown up to help us, in costume, in a badass pose, right outside the rubble of Avenger's headquarters. They're all there, even Puck, arms crossed (some with fists on hips), looking so badass. Look at how badass they all look. All of them.
• She-Hulk flips out, throws a truck onto Captain America, rips The Vision in half.
• Cap gets BuddaBuddaBudda-ed by a bunch of magic mind Nazis.

You should read this, but only when you're pooping. I give it a 'prick' out of 'tease'.

Spiderman: With Great Power #1-3

Marvel comics Dave Lapham(Stray Bullets, Young Liars) on writing chores with Tony Harris(Starman, Ex Machina) on art
Yes it's the billionth retelling of Spider mans origin but subtle twists keep it fresh. David Lapham's dialog is great as always, and his version of Peter/Spidey is awesome. I've loved Tony Harris for years and his pencils on this book are top shelf!

4 out of 5 delicious wheat cakes

GRAVEL #2

writer-warren ellis,mike wolfer art(?)/ vomit projected through a crude silkscreen scratched out with a paperclip by raulo caceres. published by Avatar $3.99 ongoing.
gravel is a SAS (the british precursor of the u.s. navy seals) magician who shoots people with real and magic guns in graphic ways.the story is a cool action movie about him trying to get 7 different sections of some magic book from some other magicians.story....aight.art...really booty,like raulo caceres concept of perspective is changing with each panel.sometimes i have no idea what's happening.aughh..... this comes out on time all the time but i haven't seen a new Black Summer in 2 months...man,sheeeeeit. cool action though.
---1 head smashed open
---2 magic guns
---art is booty ass with dookie creeping over the top.

it took me 2-3 times longer to write this it took to read the comic,and the post is like two lines ...c'mon y'all.

TRANSHUMAN #1

w-jonathan hickman (nightly news,pax romana) a-JM ringuet (colors on death comes to dillinger) Image comics $3.50
Transhuman is super cool and really high concept.this first issue is a documentary film produced to introduce you to this corporate world of developing the "person whose capacities so exceed currant man that we would no longer easily define them as human" they'd be like...TRANSHUMAN!(i don't know if all issues will be docu style but i'm down to find out..by readin 'em!) Like Hickman's other work it's got a lot of meat/soy to it,so for $3.50 you get almost a whole meal. jonathan hickman has been reminding of warren ellis,while totally doing his own thing, AND american and i like it! It is really kick-ass to read homeboys work and be like "and this mother-fuckers not even english,irish,or scottish!" .....the art...awesome.i'll be lookin for this dude now.i read this book he colored called "death and the man who would not die" and it has these painted colors....AWESOOME! Msr. Ringuet can draw.i'm down.NEXT.....
HOLLERTRONIX
j.hickman----pronea.com
Jm ringuet--- type him into blogspot

----COOL POINTS----
-the "Institute for Ethics in Emerging Technology" gave it a nod on their "blog" but...refered to it as "a new graphic novel series" which doesn't make much sense (this a a rant to come for later....get ready for it.)
-Sandy would love it in the same ways and tell me how while we drank the same beer.
-the cats left me alone while i read it.they could tell it was good and knew not to mess with me.
BLACK PANTHER WATCHING BAD TASTE,WE WATCHIN' BAD TASTE!

THE JOKERS' BONER

so this is from a site entitled "yesbutnobutyes" list of unintentionally hilarious comic panels, there's more here.


ha ha ha ......john this ones for you.

ULTIMATE HUMAN #3

w-warren ellis (everything,transmetropolitan) a-cary nord (conan)
sup! this is the third issue of the awesome iron man versus/teams up with the hulk mini series.this series has sweet writing by waren ellis that reminds me that superhumans are still humans but much cooler.cary nords art continues to punt asses far into the end zone and makes the hulk look terrifying.(if you've never seen his ill ass art on dark horse's "CONAN" then treat yo self and check it out.conan is a great character who always gets the ladies and a flagon of ale) The series starts with tony stark trying to cure bruce banner of his hulk-ness and then they beat the tar outta eachother.the re-envisioned leader his his enormous head and things really heat up.in this issue we learn more about the leaders transformation and origin as well as his plans for the Stark/Banner duo.the conclusion comes next month and i dunno whats gonna happen but hopefully a giant sized head gets splattered by some giant sized hands.
---lola and destro (my cats) can't come into the bar where i read this comic so don't tell 'em they missed it.
BLACK PANTHER DRINKING BEER,WE DRINKING BEER!