Withheld

Should be read by no one. I don't even know why this woman wrote this comic. It's a shitty comic, about stupid people. No one in this book is likable. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Can literally read it in 20 seconds and be mad about it for an hour. *shakes head*


This was a random rant by Christian. So much more, I couldn't type fast enough...I'm so sorry.

*all information withheld to avoid hurt feelings and bad press*

Princess Resurrection

by Yasunori Mitsunaga



Princess Hime (princess princess) wears a tiara, fights with a chainsaw and still has time for tea. A tiny robot girl, a zombie boy, and a half human-half werewolf are on her team. As her siblings try to kill her to become the heir to the throne, we get super sweet fights with werewolves, demons and crazy hospital staff.

chainsaw - check.
zombies - check.
big titties - check.

Two very enthusiastic thumbs up.

Burn

by Camilla d'Errico and Scott Sanders



Man and machine have been co-existing for years. Under the peaceful facade, some have been harboring resentment for one another. One man creates Sheftiel, a sentient machine programmed to destroy mankind. A young boy named Burn is playing with his friends in their village when the madness comes down. One frantic act of self preservation will change things forever. Man and machine will never be the same.

I have yet to solidify an opinion on this one.

John Constantine, Hellblazer: Setting Sun TP (w/ Warren Ellis, a/ Various)

This is a small collection of Warren Ellis penned Hellblazer stories, with various artists, like Tim Bradstreet (!) and (of course) Marcelo Frusin (who I love). My only complaint with the book was the thing I also enjoy most: the Ellis-ness. I love Warren Ellis, but after reading so much Brian Azzarello (who takes a backseat in regards to the story he is telling), I'm starting to wonder if Ellis isn't just a one-trick pony after all (read this book and then read Fell and then read Desolation Jones and then read Transmetropolitan). But, you know what? It's one really awesome trick. I just wish he could find the time to sober up and actually finish a title.

3.5 (out of 5) aborted right-wing babies,
-sandy

P.S. Let the "Dude, Back Off Warren Ellis/Brian Michael Bendis' Nuts" flame war begin.

Dead, She Said

Written by Steve Niles
Illustrated by Bernie Wrightson



This book displays many qualities of a top notch mystery, one being on the opening page you get a dead man describing the fouler qualities of rigor mortis. From the beginning to the end the raunchy details left me wanting more.

Somehow the lead character is a "zombie"(?) I'm not really sure though because he talks and acts as though he's living. The only noticeable zombie quality he has is the smell of his own rotting flesh.

Overall I'd have to say this comic gets four out of five major internal organs.

-Dana-

P.S. Bernie Wrightson draws intestines real good. -liz-

Pigeons From Hell

Written by Joe Lansdale
Art by Nathan Fox



Louisiana swamplands, two sisters inherit a mansion with a history. People have all heard the stories about the Blassenville house. The sisters make a trip of it with a group of their friends to check out the sweet inheritance. After one of them falls through the rotted staircase and breaks his leg, they're forced to spend the night. Things are creepy, cold, and not quite right in this house. The second issue kicked my dick in the dirt, for real. HOLY SHIT. A+, thumbs up and all that. Jenkies.

Skim

by Mariko and Jillian Tamaki



High school sucks for some people (I know I hated it). Skim is a chubby, wiccan, goth would-be that can't stand the ignorant, self absorbed Heathers that run rampant. Love, suicide, and sexuality are a few things that it touches on. It's introspective and gentle. The art has a very classic Japanese feel to it, reminiscent of Edo period pieces. An enjoyable read, even though it reminded me of being in high school.

Sour Leaves

by Brendan Monroe



Teeny and delicately illustrated, this book tells the story of a journey through life. Ups, downs, ins, outs. Everything comes full circle.

10 dimes out of a dollar.

Sky Doll

Story and Art by Alessandro Barbucci and Barbara Canepa



Marvel's first collaboration with the French publisher, Soleil. Sky Doll is the story of a runaway pleasure bot named Noa. She escapes her job at the car wash, and stows away on the ship of man that she'd intrigued earlier in the day. The world is controlled with religious propaganda, and the elaborate ruse of Papess Lodovica. What are the mysterious ties between Noa and Agape, the defrocked papess and sister of Lodovica?

H.O.T. positive

Kick Ass

Written by Mark Millar
Art by John Romita, Jr.



Dave Lizewski: he wasn't a jock, or a geek...but he was a comic book fan. One day, he put on a super hero costume...and got his ass kicked. But that didn't stop him. Bad guys beware...Dave will not give up so easily. This comic is so AWESOME! The art is good, the writing is great!

Jessica Farm

by Josh Simmons



A detached, immersed, frenetic, emotional roller coaster ride through a young girls imagination. What's real? What's made up? Who are these people? Slightly irritating (this does not change my opinion of the book, its still fantastic): This book is being created at the rate of one page per MONTH. He started in 2000 and after 8 YEARS, he put out the first volume. So, every 8 years...we'll get one 96 page volume until the year 2050...totaling up at a 600 page body of work. Novel (pun intended) idea.

Swamp Thing: Saga of the Swamp Thing TP (w/ Alan Moore)

Alan Moore took over Swamp Thing with issue #21 (of Volume 2) in 1984 (due to low sales), 2 years before the first issue of Watchmen was released. Moore has a knack for reviving obscure (read "shitty") DC comics characters and making them less shitty. I can't imagine Jason "Floronic Man" Woodrue ever actually being scary, but he comes pretty close in this book. Even Etrigan (who also pops up in the Sandman series) is an interesting character!

Moore reinvents the origin of Swamp Thing, although the story remains roughly the same, in theory, with a few major differences (including the appearance of Jason Woodrue). Environmentalism is a heavy theme in this series, as Floronic Man discovers the secret of Swamp Thing's power, "The Green" ("Gaia", the earth as an ecosystem of interconnected plant organisms). Woodrue's symbiotic relationship with "The Green" allows him to see (and feel) the horrors of humanity's abuse of our planet. Woodrue goes on a killing spree, fueled by The Green, and Swamp Thing attempts to save The Green, the world, and the woman he loves, from Woodrue's (naive) vendetta.

The Saga of the Swamp Thing is more important than ever, with the reality of global climate change knocking on our door. 24 years later, we need Swamp Thing more than ever.

I give Saga of the Swamp Thing 4 (out of 5) drowning polar bears,
-sandy

100 Bullets: First Shot, Last Call TP (w/ Brian Azzarello, a/ Eduardo Risso)

If you read my Loveless review, you would know that I hated this book the first time around. I'm really trying to give Brian Azzarello (Sgt. Rock, Hellblazer, Superman: For Tomorrow) what is due him, as a comic writer, and I'm really glad that I am. Azzarello writes really complex stories that unravel themselves slowly and deliberately. I would recommend this book to fans of Heroes or Lost. There is even a mysterious "Agent Graves" of a mysterious (non-governmental?) organization (although he comes off a bit more benevolently than Benamin Linus or Noah Bennet)!

Eduardo Risso's art is reminiscent of Frank Miller's Sin City and it is SUPER sexy (unlike Miller's, which I find gratuitous). Azzarello and Risso do Frank Miller better than Frank Miller. There, I said it.

The plot is that "Agent Graves" appears to persons whose lives have been ruined by the negligence or brutality of other peoples' lives. Graves offers said persons an opportunity: a briefcase, containing a gun and 100 untraceable bullets, and perhaps most importantly, irrefutable evidence of their victims' connection to the event(s) that ruined their lives. They are given carte blanche, as long as they don't show anyone else the contents of the briefcase. What would you do if you knew you could get away with (justifiable?) homicide?

The stories are sad but exciting. Lots of dead babies, ruined futures, and shattered families.

I really recommend this book if you're looking for another lengthy series to commit to, or another huge mystery to sink into.

3.5 (out of 5) bible thumpers,
-sandy

John Constantine, Hellblazer: Dangerous Habits TP (w/ Garth Ennis)

Garth Ennis is the only person I know who hates religion as much as I do. Well, I don't actually know Garth Ennis, but, if I did, I think we'd have some things in common. I wonder if he gets as many death threats as writers like Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens.

The premise of the book is that everyone's favorite alcoholic anti-hero/magician/trickster/hellion gets diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Constantine reevaluates his life to find some comfort in his death, but only finds a graveyard of friends in his wake. In order to save his soul from the clutches of the Devil himself, Constantine tries to redeem himself to his few living friends, but must ultimately face his demons alone.

This book rules. Garth Ennis (Preacher, The Boys, Punisher MAX) is at his most human in this story arc, as he explores the meaning of friendship--in life, and in death--in true Garth Ennis fashion (i.e. severed reproductive organs). Scoop it up!

4.275 (out of 5) dead babies,
-sandy

Loveless Vol 1-2, Vertigo (DC)

I have never really cared for Brian Azzarello. I can't say that I've read all of his work, but I suffered through the first 12 issues of 100 Bullets and could not force myself to read any further. I even tried reading the first few issues of Loveless when it first started coming out a few years ago (believe it or not I had a subscription). I liked the first 6 issues, illustrated by Marcelo Frusin (Hellblazer), but when the artist switched to Danijel Zezelj (Desolation Jones #7-8), I was turned off. I fell off with the series and would wonder, occasionally, if it would be worth picking back up.

It is.

I have come to LOVE Zezelj's work on Loveless, and I have come to love Azzarello's writing (at least on this series, but I am going to try 100 Bullets again very soon). Zezelj's work is raw and gritty and his backgrounds are elegant but minimal (there is a lot not to look at, if that makes sense). I tore these two volumes apart.

I don't generally go for Westerns (and would defer any questions about good Western comic series' to my friend, Christian); I don't really care much for the Civil War (though I am, believe it or not, distantly related to Abe Lincoln!); but this story is really raw. You love and hate everybody here and you keep turning pages to figure out who is really screwing who. The book is set in the years following the Civil War, when blacks are "free" but still enslaved by a nation of bigots, and when the South has yet to put down their arms.

The setting is volatile and the morals are ambiguous. This book is a gem!

4 (out of 5) homeless guys,
-sandy